Spring time blues

I always find myself losing every bit of progress I’ve made. The whole 1 step forward 2 steps back, couldn’t be realer. Why is it that the sunniest time is my hardest? Spring mania, as my doctor calls it never fails to ruin my relationships. 4 I’ve ended in April. It was never them, they didn’t get that. I always get a sudden onset of loneliness.. The birds are chirping, the wind chimes are ringing and the world is smiling.. so why can’t I? Each year the same questions over and over. The constant anxiety and mild depression. It is just enough to make me want to stay home but not enough to affect my health. So I do what I have to and hang on for the ride.. No one understands. It is a constant battle. When February comes I up my meds in preparation. I’m not ignoring people. I’m not being salty. I’m trying to get through this without burning every bridge I’ve built. I find myself in isolation, on an island.. in arms reach from the world.. To be so surrounded but yet so alone is a hard concept to understand. Especially for those who don’t experience it. Maybe that’s why I push people away. I must say I’ve handled the past two springs fairly well. Not a single break up or rash decisions. Let’s pray I keep it that way. We have a month and a half left.